The brand new Erewhon on Harvard & Wilshire opened two weeks ago. And I hate it. I mean — I hate that I love it. It sucks.

I’m drawn to it like iron flakes to a magnetic pencil. I bet those iron flakes don’t want to go the pencil sometimes, BUT THEY MUST.

If I give in to the urge to go inside the store, I try not to venture into the aisles where regular groceries are sold because everything is $1-$2 more than any other grocery store. I can’t figure out why. I’ll pick up a box of Chai Tea, note the price, then examine the box. Am I getting more in this particular box? Does Erewhon have better Chai Tea made for them by this particular brand? THEY DO NOT. They charge $1-$2 more because they can and because some people will buy it out of convenience and others will just resign themselves to this money-suck because it’s too beautiful in Erewhon. They can’t resist the halogen heaven, the modern-design goodness, the million options of perfect food. Erewhon will break you down.

So I try to stay away from the aisles that are like black holes that suck out all common, economical sense. 

But the prepared food, the deli food encased in crystal glass imported from Florence (probably), is too much to resist. The pizza oven beckons like the Greek Sirens. The bougie-ass cauliflower-crust flatbread with heirloom something-or-other sprinkled with gold and dust from the Mona Lisa is too, too good. I DON’T WANT TO LIKE IT. I don’t want to even be in this store, but the soup bar is the greatest bar that’s happened to me since I was dancing on that one Parisian bar in the 90’s where drag queens chanted my name (long story for another time.) The point is: the SOUP BAR. Dudes, their English Pea Mint soup makes me weepy. I’m crying for it right now like it’s a lost lover who left me in the height of our relationship. I HATE YOU PEA MINT SOUP. 

Don’t get me started on the other shoppers in Erewhon. It’s like navigating through a mine field of entitled carts not understanding why parking it perpendicular to an aisle is a problem. Can’t we see that this cart is the most important cart in the store, said all 50 carts in the store. I went in today and a woman had her cocker spaniel on a long leash that was pulled the full length of said leash creating a limbo like situation for the rest of us as she chatted away with a manager. I mean, I think he was a manager because he had a name tag, but he also had on pressed pants, fingers laced in the thick silver rings, expensive wingtip shoes, and a neck tattoo. Anyway, this leash was pulled tight across the path between me and the Pea Soup and the dog was licking up some sample crumbs on the floor. He wasn’t going to budge. Why would he when he just scored half a bite of grass-fed goat latkes brushed in spiced buttermilk?

“I can’t take this place,” I thought. “I’m so out of here. Right after I get this soup. And those whiskey-braised brussel sprouts with apricot hearts or whatever.” UG, Erewhon, you suck for making me love you.

Friday’s Workout
Test Week – Cycle 17

For Quality Reps/Total Time (2:00 2:00):
Strict Handstand Push-ups
Static Pistol Holds (:60 Left :60 Right)
Static Chin-over-Bar Hold
–Rest 4 minutes–
For Quality Reps (2:00 2:00):
Kipping Handstand Push-ups
Alternating Pistols
Kipping Pull-ups

Sunday’s Workout

6 Rds
3 (80 percent) Back Squats
Hollow Rock for max time

Monday’s Workout

“By Threes”
For Total Reps
3 Burpees, KBDL, RKBS (32/24)
6 Burpees, KBDL, RKBS
9 Burpees, KBDL, RKBS
12 Burpees, KBDL, RKBS
etc …

3 thoughts on “You Suck, Erewhon

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